To The Younger Me

To the younger me, In a letter to myself

Someday you’re going to have to look

And come face to face with yourself

I apologize for the hate

And all of the disgust

I hope you forgive me for the shame

And all of the distrust

For so long I wouldn’t look at you

I had nothing to say at all

Little did I know you’d bring me to my knees

Make me crumble make me fall

Force me to stare you in the eyes

Come face to face with myself

I was never ready before

Until I became ready to see who you are

Ready to see who I am

Ready to let go of what I was

To give you back what I never let you have

Now I see who you were

Now I know who I am

I’m sorry for the years of distance

The amount of time that I didn’t want to exist

I’m sorry for the silent treatment

Like ignoring it would change the outcome

I couldn’t be here without having been there

So now I have put it all to rest

And forgave myself for having not wanted it to be

I had to endure the darkness

In order to find the light that I now see

I know I can be stubborn

I know I can be hard headed

Maybe I just needed all this time to look at it all

Before being able to embrace you

And apologize for thinking about a miracle in all the wrong ways that I did

Thank you for forgiving me.

Thank you for being able to stand where I kneel

And letting me look you in the eyes

Thank you for allowing me to come face to face with you

And thank you for hearing me out

I’ll tell you that you’re are stronger than you know

And not to underestimate your power

You are so much more than you know

And will become more than you can fathom

Stay patient

You will get the answers

All in due time

Trust in the faith that you build

Stay vigilant when your soul begins to fade

Don’t stop pushing when things start to degrade

And don’t give up on your dreams

Paint a life of beauty

Weave an experience of existence beyond measure

Compose a masterpiece of a life

That you love and are proud to be a part of

Someday you’ll find love for yourself

It’s not always going to be easy

But everything is always perfect

Including you

You can do all things

Thank you for your patience

For waiting 31 years for me to arrive

For allowing forgiveness

And for all of your understanding

I wonder if telling you this now can reverse the years of pain and make it all go away

Help prevent all the sadness

In a parallel universe kind of way

I can promise you that what you inherited is finally released and gone

That it can no longer be passed down

I’m sorry it tormented us for so long

You couldn’t have ever known

Yet you always felt the weight

There’s no way you could foresee how many times it would hold you back from being great

Do not falter

Do not slip

Because someday you’ll come to grips

You’ll get to see

You’ll get to know

You’ll find the answers as you grow

You’ll get to meet all of your soul

Find out it existed so long ago

It came here to live

It came here to thrive

Not to suffer and then just die

It’s all ok and now I can smile

Now that we have finally reconciled

A week ago I couldn’t have wrote these words

The thought of that seemed absurd

So out of touch

So far out of reach

The universe has so many lessons

And creative ways to teach

Now I can see, What I love the most

Looking back at who you’ve been

You have always desired to know yourself

Ever before you could even comprehend

You’ve never wanted to cause hurt

You’ve never wanted to cause pain

And when you did

It created shame

You’ve clung and grasped

To the fact

That you can never undo the past

But you’ve never quit

You’ve tried and tried

Even with so much buried deep inside

Now you can go

Now you can be

The kid I never loved you to be

I love you now and that makes me cry

So thank you for being able to look into my eyes

Thank you for coming face to face with yourself

And hearing this letter I wrote to you

To the younger version of myself