Missing

Feel like I’ve gone missing from myself

Wanted posters on every wall

It’s like I don’t want to be found

Like I’m hiding it from it all

Giving up on the fact

That I may never come back

It may take 9 lifetimes

To sort out all of this shit just from 1

Where the fuck are you

Trying to figure out

Where I abandoned myself

Where it all fell apart

Where it all crumbled

And when I finally jumped off the ship

Trying to decipher what went wrong

And when I determined it wasn’t worth it

Why wasn’t it worth saving

Why were you ok with letting go

Although we’ve been at war with each other for 3 decades

I never thought you’d completely go

Constantly at each others throats

Each and everyday

Wouldn’t have guessed you’d disappear

Or maybe I’m the one who abandoned you

Left you without a trace

How can you expect someone to stick around

When you treat them just like dirt

You can only hang on for so long

While being smothered in constant hurt

I guess I don’t blame you

I’ll be the one to take the fall

It’s me who feels we are nearing the end

Will that actually provide relief from it all

Because it still hurts

Like pulling teeth to get a smile

Feel like you’re more than a trillion miles away

With no reason to come back home

Don’t know what it will take to ease the pain

I’m a vessel just existing

Without you everything is monochrome & gray

Half-life of eternity

Still means there is no end

Couldn’t have foreseen this when it all began

Outward looking on

Stand back to watch us break

Shatter, fracture, until we’re gone

Into a million pieces, destined to sink all along

Depths of the water pulling us down under

Like we are drowning hand in hand

Slowly we slip away

Slowly we lose our grip

Waiting to pull back the veil

Hoping then I’ll be able to see

Do I wait forever

Will you ever return to me

Or will this all be over soon

Trying to write off the damage as cost of doing business

Now I’m completely bankrupt

Struggling to maintain the value

Declining by the minute

If I die will you guide me to greatness

Or will the haunting become eternal

Will we reunite in a place you once were

Or will I stay trapped in my mind forever

The void that I felt

Like hell without an earth

Existence without creation

Infinite Universe without birth

When nothing exists

And I am that is all

Will I reconnect with you

Or will that be the end to it all

Remaining missing from myself

Just a wanted poster on a wall